Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
