Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
