You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
