i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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