He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
