Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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