My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
