I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
