I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
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