You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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