I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
