I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
