Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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