I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
