i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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