I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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