I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
