genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize