We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
