I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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