so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
