she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
