She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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