four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
