bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
