At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
