Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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