Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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