I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
