I must be too annoying 4 u.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
