a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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