My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
