This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
