yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will pee on everything he values.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i believe in u and ur pee
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
