So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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