I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
