Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
