She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
