a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
