Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
