can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
