pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is my gift to your gina
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
