Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
