Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
