Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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