Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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