If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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