I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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