No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
