don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
