it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
