I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
