My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
