He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
