I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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