If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
