I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
