Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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