ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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