Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
