just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
