Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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