I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
