Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
