Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
sex in a hospital.. check
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
