never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
