I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
