I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
