You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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