idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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