yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
