I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
