I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
