Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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