guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
