They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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